I first heard about The Princess Bride when I was about 5 years old. My sister was watching a movie on our television and I asked her what it was. She told me that she was watching The Princess Bride so I sat down next to her, started watching it, and fell in love. The movie was everything a 5-year-old could have dreamed of! There was comedy, action, torture, love - this movie had the whole enchilada.

Years passed and the movie remained one of my all time favorites (it still is today). One day, I was walking through our local Borders bookstore and browsing through one of the sections when loe and behold, there it was! The Princess Bride, S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure abridged by William Goldman. I could not believe that one of my all-time favorite movies had actually been a book first. I almost died. But then I got over my shock and begged my parents to buy the book for me, which they did.

When I sat down to read the book, at first I was confused. The beginning of the book is all about Goldman and his life as a child and how he has a fat son who disappoints him because he is not popular and a psychologist wife whom he doesn't love. Then Goldman starts talking about a trip he took to L.A. and this blond girl he met and also how he had forgotten his son's birthday. I looked at the cover... Was this the right book? Where was the story of Buttercup and Humperdinck? What happened to the Gentle Giant Fezzik and the Spanish Swordsman Inigo? But most importantly, where was Westley?

Despite my confusion, I plunged onwards through the introduction and finally it got interesting. Goldman writes about how when he was a young boy, his father used to read a book to him called The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern, a Great Writer of Florin. This book had changed Goldman's life and so he wanted to buy it for his son's birthday. (Goldman goes on to mention that he had never read the actual book, he only knew the story because his father read it aloud to him every single day for a year).

After revealing this incredible plot twist to the readers, Goldman goes on a journey from L.A. to New York to find a copy of the original Princess Bride but translated into English. When he finally finds it in an obscure bookstore in New York, he has his lawyer buy it for him and give it to his son for his birthday. Goldman’s son however is not a fan of the book. He can’t even get past the first chapter because the book is too boring and he falls asleep. Goldman is heartbroken and actually becomes depressed and so, to see what his son means, he makes the decision to actually read the book for himself. When he does, Goldman sees that the story his father told him and the story that Morgenstern wrote are two completely different things. William’s father only told him the “abridged version” – only the interesting parts. Morgenstern however “wasn’t writing any children’s book; he was writing a kind of satiric history of his country and the decline of the monarchy in Western civilization”  (Goldman 33). At this point, Goldman chooses to tell us that what we are about to read, after almost 80 pages (despite what the numberings at the bottom of the pages in the book say) of introductory material, is his abridged version of The Princess Bride.

Finally! I had gotten to the part where the story actually started!  I started reading the book and it turned out as well as I had expected. The story starts with a girl named Buttercup who lives on a farm with her parents and doesn’t care about her hygiene even though she is the twenty-somethingeth most beautiful girl in the world. Goldman (actually Morgenstern **this switch between the authors throughout the book gets very confusing) then describes how Buttercup slowly becomes the most beautiful girl in the world, even though she doesn’t realize it. She treats all others with disdain, even the handsome farm boy named Westley whom she commands day in and day out. All he ever says to her in response to her commands is “As you wish” (how romantic!).

As I read through this chapter, I started to realize how truly selfish Buttercup was. She only ever thought about herself and she didn’t really care about anyone else. This was a big change from the Buttercup in the movie because she actually deserved Westley, whereas this narcissistic one didn’t. Anyways, once Buttercup becomes the most beautiful girl in the world, she is visited by the Count and Countess Rugen; Rugen takes an interest in Buttercup and Mrs. Rugen takes a great interest in Westley. This makes Buttercup extremely jealous and she realizes that she loves him. Buttercup then confronts Westley about her love and he slams the door in her face (hilarious!). The next morning, Westley comes to Buttercup’s door and tells her that he is leaving to go to the Americas and seek his fortune. Buttercup, who thinks that Westley wants to marry the Count, is distraught but she tries to conceal it.

• "Don't you understand anything that's going on?
  Buttercup shook her head.
  Westley shook his too. "You never have been the brightest, I guess."
  "Do you love me, Westley? Is that it?"
  He couldn't believe it. "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches! If your love were -"
  "I don't understand that first one yet," Buttercup interrupted. She was starting to get very excited now. "Let me get this straight. Are you saying my love is a grain of sand and yours is this other thing? Images confuse me so - is this universal business of yours bigger than my sand? Help me, Westley. I have the feeling we're on the verge of something just terribly important" (62-3).

This quote stood out for me because it is the moment that they both declare their love for one another – a love which is the fire that drives the rest of the book. It was very romantic and a lot funnier than the scene in the movie and also highly ridiculous because two people falling in love like they did doesn’t happen in real life – only in fairy tales.

After this profession of love, Westley goes leave Buttercup on her farm to go and seek their fortune. Months pass and one day Buttercup receives a letter that says that Westley is dead, killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts. When Buttercup hears this news, she is heart-broken, and after many weeks, she emerges from her grief, vowing to never love again.

At this point in the book, there is a parallel story going on about Florin’s royal family and how the King is in a very grave state of health. This requires his son, Prince Humperdinck to take a wife, in the case of the King’s death. Humperdinck becomes very stressed because he cannot find a proper candidate for a wife (especially not the unfortunately bald Princess Noreena of Guilder). It is  then that Count Rugen suggests to Humperdinck that he marry Buttercup, who is the most beautiful girl in the world. It is arranged and although she will never love him, Buttercup agrees to marry Humperdinck and be the future Queen of Florin.

Three years pass, and Buttercup’s training to be queen has been going smoothly. She is not yet married to Humperdinck, but their wedding will happen soon (since the King is dead.) It should also be mentioned that Humperdinck is a very voracious hunter and he can track anything and everything. He is so obsessed with hunting that he has his own “Zoo of Death” (which will be explained later). Anyways, Buttercup is taking a ride on her horse when she is stopped by a Sicilian, a Giant, and a Spaniard. She is then kidnapped by this trio and it soon becomes clear that this trio have a history of doing jobs together.

The Sicilian is named Vizzini. He is clearly the leader of the group and he is an evil genius. Vizzini organizes all of the trio’s jobs and he creates rules for the group. Vizzini’s catch phrase is “inconceivable!” which is a prominent feature throughout the novel. The Giant’s name is Fezzik. Fezzik is seriously misunderstood because even though he is the strongest man in the world, at heart, he is just an unintelligent softy. He is extremely sensitive, and to make sure he is able to remember things, he creates rhymes to strengthen his memory. For me, the Spaniard was the most interesting of them all.

The Spaniards name is Inigo Montoya and he is what the Florinese call a wizard, Which is greater than a Master Swordsman. Until Vizzini had found him, Inigo had been searching the world for his enemy: a six-fingered man who had mercilessly killed Inigo’s father after refusing to pay for his sword. Inigo had never forgotten that moment and ever since, he had been preparing himself to face his enemy who was a master swordsman. He also knew exactly what he would say to his enemy when the time came:

• "Hello," he said. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die"(340).

This quote is what comes to my mind every time I think of this movie of book because it is the best line in the whole thing. It is simple but articulate – it gets the message across. It also sums up about 30 years of revenge into three sentences; it is the perfect dialogue for the situation. Also, the scene in which Inigo says this line is very dramatic and this is what I pictured when reading the book.

After Buttercup is kidnapped, the trio sails across the Florin/Guilder Channel and they realize that they are being quickly tailed. Vizzini makes the decision to head for the Cliffs of Insanity which are death to anyone who approaches them. He is confident however, because they have Fezzik who can pull the other three up to the cliffs in no time. Vizzini tells Buttercup that after they cross the Cliffs of Insanity, they have orders to murder Buttercup, the future Queen, in Guilder.

Fezzik pulls the three of them up the cliff relatively quickly, but they are still being tailed by a man who is vaguely referred to as the “Man in Black”. Vizzini decides to go ahead with Buttercup and tells Fezzik and Inigo to stay behind so that they can deal with the Man in Black. The Man in Black outwits all of them, including Vizzini (whom he kills, but he doesn’t kill Fezzik or Inigo because at heart, he feels as though they could be friends). The Man in Black then takes Buttercup as his prisoner.

While this is happening, it is revealed that Humperdinck has ordered the whole Armada to look for Buttercup and is closely following her trail. The Man in Black realizes this and tries to get Buttercup to run with him to the ship which he has waiting for them at the other end of the cliffs, all the while taunting Buttercup about how rich and mighty she is, how she doesn’t love the Prince, and how she is a heartless hag who doesn’t have the capability to love. Buttercup becomes very indignant and upset and she pushes the Man in Black down a ravine, saying that he could die for all she cares. To this, the Man in Black replies “As… You… Wish…” The Man in Black is actually Buttercup’s Westley!

Westley tells Buttercup about how he was captured by the Dread Pirate Roberts who then took him in as his protégée and then retired and made Westley the new Dread Pirate Roberts. He has come to get Buttercup so they can escape on their ship, but to do that, they must cross the perilous Fire Swamp and beat the Armada to his ship. This plan fails however, and the Prince captures them both. The Prince gives Buttercup a choice: Live with your prince or die with your love, and Buttercup says she can live without love and leaves Westley behind after negotiating his peace. I was so upset at this part! The Buttercup in the book was so selfish compared to the Buttercup in the movie, and I couldn’t believe that she had just left Westley behind like that!

Count Rugen, who was secretly instructed by Humperdinck not to release Westley, takes him to the Zoo of Death, so he can be a test subject for The Machine. The Machine is a torture device which sucks years of life away from humans, and Count Rugen performs many tests on Westley so that he can have accurate information about pain, a subject upon which he is writing a book. Humperdinck also uses the Machine to torture Westley because he is frustrated that Buttercup prefers Westley to himself.

          Meanwhile, Buttercup, who is unaware of Westley’s situation suffers from terrible nightmares regarding her impending marriage to the Prince. She tells Humperdinck, and they strike a deal. He will send out four ships to look for Westley, but if they fail to find him, Buttercup must relent and become Queen. We then find out that Humperdinck was actually the one who ordered Buttercup’s kidnap and murder in order to start a war with the neighboring country of Guilder, but now, he is planning to have her murdered on her wedding night because he believes that his subjects will rise to war more readily.

          Buttercup hears nothing from Westley and is heartbroken. He wedding day comes, and on that day, it is revealed that Count Rugen was the one who killed the Spaniard Inigo’s father (he has six fingers). Because of this, Fezzik and Inigo set out to find the Man in Black, the only man who is smarter than Vizzini and can come up with a plan to kill Rugen. Buttercup also finds out that Humperdinck never sent out any ships to look for Westley and tells him that it doesn’t matter because her love for Westley will remain everlasting. Furious, Humperdinck tortures Westley to death, much to the dismay of Count Rugen who hasn’t finished his book on pain. Westley’s scream brings Fezzik and Inigo through the many levels of the Zoo of Death where he is being tortured, and upon finding Westley’s dead body, Inigo and Fezzik take him to a miracle man to be resurrected. Miracle Max pronounces Westley only “mostly dead” and resurrects him because Westley says he needs to come back for “troo-luv.” This scene is one of my favorites in the book because it shows how kind hearted and amazing Westley is and it also demonstrates the power of love. It can bring people back from the dead. Miracle Max brings Westley back to life, but it is only for 60 minutes and Westley remains partially paralyzed.

          At this point, Humperdinck and Buttercup are about to be married, but Westley devise a plan to save the day, and cause the wedding to be cut short. Buttercup resolves to kill herself after she realizes that Westley isn’t coming for her (she is already married to Humperdinck by this time) and Inigo delivers his gut wrenching line to Count Rugen who flees, leading to a bloody duel between the two. Inigo wins.

          The climax of the novel finds itself in Humperdinck’s sweet where Westley is waiting for Buttercup (who hasn’t yet killed herself) and assures her that she is not married to Humperdinck because she never said “I do.” Humperdinck then walks in on the two of them and the final confrontation occurs (best part of the book!):

• "I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you," Westley said, lying pleasantly on the bed. "What I’m going to tell you is this: drop your sword, and if you do, then I will leave with this baggage here"—he glanced at Buttercup—"and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive."
  "You are only alive now because you said 'to the pain.' I want that phrase explained."
  "My pleasure. To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms. The first thing you lose will be your feet. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrists. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average. Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye—"
  "And then my right eye, and then my ears, and shall we get on with it?" the Prince said.
  "Wrong!" Westley’s voice rang across the room. "Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child shall be yours to cherish—every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will reverberate forever with your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means that I leave you in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish misery until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig, there you know, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it’s up to you: Drop your sword!"
  The sword crashed to the floor. (351-2)

Humperdinck concedes and Buttercup, Westley, Fezzik, and Inigo all escape on the fastest horses in the kingdom, on their way to true love at last. This scene is where the movie ends.

The book’s ending however made me furious. It ends with Westley relapsing, Fezzik making the wrong turn on his escape route, Buttercup’s horse getting injured and Inigo;s wounds reopening. Golding also adds that Buttercup and Westley squabble a lot, Fezzik loses his first fight and Inigo gets whooped by some “hotshot with a sword”.

What an ending! This ending destroyed my perception of the entire novel itself, whose message I thought to be “true love conquers all.” Instead, Golding/Morgenstern’s message is that life isn’t fair, it is just fairer than death.

This novel left me seriously disappointed because it wasn’t at all like the movie which I had held so dear to my heart, then ending was terrible, and Golding just thought he was so cool the whole time he wrote it, and his writing was very confusing. He pretended that The Princess Bride was actually written by Morgenstern and he abridged it and cut things out of it and the reunion scene with Buttercup and Westley wasn’t ever written by Morgenstern, but the truth is that he just enjoys punishing readers because he and Morgenstern are the same person. Golding made Morgenstern up and he also made up the back-story of his psychologist wife and fat son (his excuses for interrupting the flow of the novel). His desire to patronize readers with his false biographies wasted 80 pages of my life, and they were not necessary.

Still, this book remains one of my favorites and I recommend it to everyone, because the good parts definitely outweigh the bad, so long as you can get over the ending!